Thursday, October 20, 2005

Knowing the birth mother is now carrying our child

While I’m waiting I can't help but think of the birth mother and knowing that we will be starting the adoption in 2 months and that it takes, lets say 16 months from now to complete if our daughter is 11 months when we get her then:

9 months pregnancy
+ 11, if she’s 11 months old when we get her
= 20 months
-16 months it will take from now to complete the adoption
=4 months pregnant.

This is the kind of stuff you come up with while waiting. The birth mother now knows she is with out a doubt pregnant. If it’s her first pregnancy she might be just praying it’s a boy and abandon the baby after she finds out that it’s a girl. Wether that’s from pressure from her husband, in-laws, government or both I do not know. Maybe she got pregnant by mistake a second time and is hiding the pregnancy from the authorities hoping to have the baby and take it to the orphanage where she has seen westerners come and take the babies home to America with them. All the while knowing that she is committing a "crime". Some people will know she is pregnant and turn a blind eye. I have read stories of mothers and babies that weren’t so lucky. I hope she is able to leave what is referred to as a finding add. This is left by the mother, with the abandoned child and gives info like when the baby was born. If you are lucky the orphanage will give this to you when you are there to pick up the child.
So I don’t think of the birth mothers as a thoughtless or selfish, but as a women trapped in a situation beyond their control that will give the baby growing inside her a chance at life the only way she knows how. I will thank of her and our daughter often in the coming months.

We know we want to but when can we?

We had to look at the logistics of a China adoption, find out what is involved money wise and the time line it takes from start to finish. Here is what we have learned. Income, you most make $10,000 per person in the household so with 3 in our family already we need to make $40,000 to be eligible to adopt. On the age requirement couples 30 to 44 may apply to adopt a child 3 to 12 months old typically the children are not younger than 7 months. If you fall in the 12 and younger category and request a child young as possible the average age is 10 months. Couples If your 45 to 50 it's 12 months to 3 years ,Couples 51 to 55 it's 4 years and older, singles can adopt to they are required to make a base of $20,000 plus $10,000 per family member so if they live by them selves $30,000.
Well on the money side we found with the China adoption it is between $15,000 and $20,000 when you figure in all the expenses and airfare hotels ect.
All but $3,000 of that is for fees and services in the US and China. There is a $3,000 "donation" you must pay to the orphanage that your child comes from that is to help improve the conditions at the orphanage and support the children left behind. Not all orphanages participate in the international adoption, but for the ones that do the orphanages benefit from the donations. In some cases you can not tell the difference from an orphanage in China and a western day care. Like everything in life there are exceptions and I'm sure some are better than others.
The time line, if you have Chinese heritage, is speeded up. For every one else it's looking like a minimum of 12 months, and there is no maximum, from the time you start your paper work till you receive your referal, then it's approx. 45 days till you travel to Chine to get your child. Well with my wife in full time school and being off work for a while I knew that we would have to wait until she graduates from school in December of 2005 before we started our paper work. In the mean time I have been finding out all I can about the process of adopting from China, learning about China and it's people, and learning to speak Mandarin. So for now it's just nice to know that we have a start date in mind.