Do you know anyone how has adopted a child that had come home from China, Vietnam, or Korea with a family and for various reasons the first adoptive family decided to disrupt the adoption because they decided they could no longer parent the child?
I say various because the reasons can be anything from the child having, serious Attachment disorders, to an unknown special needs that the parents ether aren't capable of dealing with, or don't want to because they thought they were getting a non-special needs child, or simply the parents don't think the child will ever fit into the family etc.
Although also rarely talked about, I know that disruptions happen in China before the kids come home with the families and some of those kids the CCAA places with a new family.
But with happens to the kids that come to the U.S. and (again it depends on the situation) ether soon after or after years of trying to make it work there parent's can't take it anymore and decide to disrupt the adoption?
If you have adopted from a disruption or are thinking of disrupting an adoption from China, Vietnam, Korea let me know.
To replie to me without posting a comment I'm at. Norahs_dad@yahoo.com
If you want to just post a comment I will see it I read every comment that is posted on this blog. If you are leaving a comment on the blog about a families situation that is not your own please leave out all names.
6 comments:
It's close to 1 in 500 disrupt. I have had the chance to speak to 3 parents who have disrupted for various reasons and non of them were because the child they were adopting was non SN it was behavior later that brought them to that decision.
To each his own. I have very strong opinions about this. If you'd like to email me about more info please feel free.
Hi Glen and Lori-
My dad and stepmom came home from Korea with their first child when he was (reportedly) 5 yrs old. Later they figured he was probably closer to 6 or 7. He has always been an odd match to my parents. I think the trauma of being in the orphanage for as long as he was, and not having one or two stationary nannies, and that my stepmom is very organized, and this was her first child, all added to the mix. He's 30 years old and is still living at home. Although, they do have him going to college now. He's not mentally retarded or emotionally immature, just very socially immature. Does that make sense? And chances are, he will not recover. He actually remembers being left in a park by a woman and a man (most likely his bmom and her new boyfriend, or her brother) when he was probably 2 or 3. I don't think the primal wounds have ever healed in him.
So, all that said, I don't personally know of someone who disrupted, but when they adopted him, if disruption was more familiar, they most likely would have disrupted. My younger brother is well adjusted, but then he was adopted at a younger age and has no memory of being left anywhere to be found. It seems it would make a huge difference as to WHY the PAPs choose to disrupt. Is the child a little delayed and the PAPs are shell shocked? Or are the PAPs really experiencing trama from the child that needs to be worked out, from the past? And how deep are the wounds? What is the child's chronological age VS mental or emotional age? Was there any emotional scaring added to the child when they were (for a second time) abandoned again by the PAPs. All of these factor in, to varying degrees to make up the reasons and the effects of disruption.
Glen,
Here is a website about disruption in general:
http://www.tmklaw.com/adoption-disruption.php
There are some waiting kids there, too. Over the past 2 years I've sen 3 older kids (ages 5-8) on this site looking for a new family. Not all the children placed by this attorney are put onto the website, so chances are good that there are more Chinese disrupted kids than I've seen.
Alyssa
You may find a child this way through your local social services--there are two kids on our state listing that were in this situation. Like Linda, I have STRONG feelings on this issue so I will leave it at that.
Hi there,
We adopted our son (Guatemalan by birth) from a disruption when he was only 10 months old. In his case, it was the first adoptive family bit off more then they could chew. They also wrongly believed he had developmental delays (in reality, he was simply grieving hard). We were made aware of him by our social worker. His 1st AP's had used a social worker in the same agency (our local homestudy agency). We were homestudy approved and they called every family like us in the agency that they thought would be a good match. Three families stepped forward and we were chosen. My understanding is this is usually how it is done. Either the local homestudy agency or the original placement agency will help re-home the child, especially the closer to the original adoption it is.
Hey, Glen-
You should check out my friend, Sandy's, blog:
http://www.pokonutz.blogspot.com/
She and her husband have adopted twice through disruption (one China and one Columbia).
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